And so it Begins.

I am a worrier. Always have been, and figure I always will be. It runs in the family, so at least I come by it honestly. With less than 3 weeks (18 days to be exact!) until I move to a women's co-op in Guatemala City, UPAVIM, you can imagine all the material that my ever-worrying my mind has to work with. It started just the other night, lying in bed thinking of to-do lists, making sure that I have all my bases covered while I am away for the better part of next year. And so it begins.

Funny thing is, I am not worried about all of the normal things that you would think of. I am not worried about packing, or forgetting something important. I am not worried about how I am going to pay my loan payments while I am away, nor am I worried about communicating with loved ones at home and across the globe. I am not worried about how hard the goodbyes are going to be, or about how I am going to survive the culture shock of no washing machines or dryers, no drinking anything unless it is out of a bottle, and getting used to a shower head rigged up to electricity for hot water.

Instead, I am most worried about what effect the entire experience will have on me as a person. When I first tell people about what I am doing, their first exclamation is usually along the lines of, "Oh! What a life-changing experience that will be!" To consciously make a decision to go into an experience that will undeniably alter my entire being for the rest of my life is quite daunting...especially since at the ripe old age of 22, I am still not entirely sure who that person is. Hopefully, this experience will make me more sure of my identity, and who I really am.

I am worried that there might be someone else out there who is better equipped to give this community of La Esperanza what they need. I am worried that I will go through this experience and somehow not take in every second. I am worried that I will get too caught up in my own life's needs, wants, hopes, and dreams and not give enough care and attention to the community. I am worried that I won't be able to do it. I am worried that I will not change for the better, as everyone is predicting. I am worried that I will not live up to the expectations of the women and children of UPAVIM.

And despite all this anxiety, emotional ups and downs, and sleepless nights, I am thankful for the worry. I am thankful for this process. I am thankful for this opportunity, one that will not only benefit UPAVIM and La Esperanza, but will selfishly serve myself as well.

And hey, if it doesn't work out, I'll at least have gotten some killer guacamole. :)